What is it about the way we communicate these days?

During the past few days I've read several articles on the Wales Online website about men who have got in trouble for propositioning young women [some have been under age] either online on Facebook or by mobile phone text. 

Each one of these men were in positions of responsibility.  Yet, they chose to lower their professional boundaries by sending explicit messages to the young women.  One even sent a photograph of a certain part of his anatomy.

And it's not just men who do this either, I also read on the Daily Mail website of a nurse who sent explicit texts to a diabetic patient.

Whether they had said these things in person or by text, social media or email, they were still wrong and left behind damning evidence that helped convict them.  It's not just people who are teachers and in professional positions who do this, but sometimes people who bombard their exes with hundreds of text messages, in a form of stalking.

See articles here:

http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/driving-instructor-who-begged-young-7832005

http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/teacher-guilty-gross-misconduct-after-7834646

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2770188/You-yummy-sexy-married-nurse-sent-diabetic-patient-torrent-flirty-texts-treatment-GP-practice.html

http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/stalker-husband-jailed-bombarding-estranged-7781592

When I was on Facebook I noticed there was a tendency for some members of the opposite sex to contact me sometimes leaving lewd comments in my inbox.  These were often men I knew in the real world who I feel would have been unlikely to say these things to my face had I not been on that social network.  More often than not, if they didn't stop after a warning, I'd have to block them.  

So what is it that makes people think it's permissible to do this kind of thing especially as they leave a trail of evidence behind?  Is it drink fuelled?  Is it the fact that social media, mobile phone messages, emails etc are so rapid getting to the other person, that they send that kind of message on impulse and later regret it?  Yet, that can't always be so as most of the people who get convicted appear to have sent a series of messages over a number of days.

I found a good way to cope with those pests online, I've started copying and pasting their 'private messages' to me and posting them back on their own walls for everyone to see.  I never did it on Facebook [I now wish I had!] but now have left but I'm doing it on the Interpals site.  It's supposed to be a pen pal site but some people have other ideas.   I did it to someone the other day and he was shocked and said, "Why did you do that?"  This man was 25 years old.  I replied, "Because you wouldn't like it if a young man of your age sent a message like that to your mother!"  

I think it taught him a lesson and I've had no trouble from him since.   I might try it again sometime.  The thing that fuels these people is the fact they are being explicit in private to you, or maybe they THINK they're being private but as those court cases prove in those news paper articles, in the end their messages end up being very public indeed.

More than six weeks have passed...

It's been more than six weeks since I left Facebook.   I don't regret it for a second and I'll tell you why...

Last night I went to function, actually it was a comedy evening at the restored town hall.  It was a great night, three wonderful comedians and there was a licenced bar!!!

Anyhow, there were a couple of people there who had once been 'Facebook Friends' but I don't think either of them would have come over to me and introduced themselves or even smiled and said 'hello'.   Most friends on Facebook are not friends at all.  Yet, they are privy to our photographs and thoughts.

Since leaving Facebook, I'm writing a lot and reading a lot, I'm also able to concentrate more on other pursuits instead of checking in on my Facebook page.  The best thing is that the people who are real friends are making an effort to stay in touch.

One of the comedians last night mentioned how his sister-in-law got up his nose on Facebook.  She'd sent him a friend request, which he felt he had to accept not to upset her.   Then she started updating her status, "I can't believe I'm going to Turkey in a couple of weeks!",  then a few days later, "I can't believe I'm going to Turkey next week!".  Then the day before it was, "I can't believe I'm going to Turkey tomorrow!".  Followed by, "I can't believe I'm at the airport!", "I can't believe I'm actually sitting on the plane!" and then it was "I can't believe I'm actually in Turkey!"

He thought that would be the end of it.  But she carried on updating her status on holiday, "I can't believe I'm sunbathing by the pool!" etc,   It drove him up the wall.

When she got home she posted, "I can't believe I'm back home!"

Then it was, "I can't believe this time last week I was sitting by the pool in Turkey!"

So he commented, "I can't believe you're still updating your status about your holiday to Turkey!"

I've no idea if this story is authentic or not but I have seen similar things posted on Facebook, so it does ring true.

At the end of the day, Facebook is about people trying to make out their lives are great and other people liking their 'Facebook Lives'.

Apparently there are around 43 million selfies posted on Facebook every day of the week.  That's an awful lot of posing and showing off!  I've done it myself, posted a selfie and then viewed all the likes and comments.

We wouldn't run out into the street and shout to our neighbours, "Look at the cake I just baked!  Do you like it?"  Then shove an iced vanilla sandwich under their noses!   Or alternatively we wouldn't take a photograph of ourselves and give one to each of our friends and hope they'll tell us they like it.

I think Facebook gives us a feeling of importance and pride that isn't real.   Maybe it helps to bolster fragile self esteems?  I know I felt far more popular on Facebook than in real life.  People often came up to me in town on a Saturday when I was shopping in my home town saying, "You're Lynette from the Rat Pack, aren't you?"  [I used to run a Facebook group called, The Merthyr Rat Pack].   I was always pleased to meet them and the group was great, I even arranged social gatherings.    That is the biggest thing I miss is that group, but it's continuing without me and I'm glad of that as people use Facebook for different reasons.

But this is just my view of the social network site, other people might have more positive things to say from their view point.

I had one Facebook friend who was constantly updating her status and Tweeting it at the same time, so her day would go something like this...

"Debating whether to read my book in bed with the cup of coffee hubby just brought me before he goes to work..."

"Whew just got the kids off to school and pegged the washing out.  Put in another load.   Now to tackle the mountain of ironing..."

"Two thousand words of novel in progress written, now to walk the dog."

"Lunch then meeting friends for coffee."

"Came up with new character for novel while waiting for kids to come out of school"

"Whipped up a dessert for tonight's evening meal"

"Publisher just got in touch, has offered me a series of books"

"Wonderful meal with husband and kids"

"Just got handed glass of bubbly from hubby as I relax in bath..."

The person in question is a lovely lady and deserves all her success but seeing all the constant updates made me feel that my life was somehow inadequate.  She always 'appeared' to be highly motivated and successful, yet I suspect she had bad days like the rest of us but never, ever, showed a chink in her armour.

Her life seemed so perfect.  Yet, was it?

On Facebook I tried to post positive things and often posted links to songs and interesting articles, but think if I was constantly updating my status it would sound more like this:

"Got out of bed to find sink full of dishes, husband not cleared up after himself yet again..."

"Feeling rough.  Shouldn't have drunk that fifth glass of wine last night..."

"Trying to summon up the energy to take the dog for a walk..."

"Publisher is a pain in the neck, either not answering my emails or barking orders..."

"Just got a rejection for my novel from yet another publisher..."

"Didn't have time to make something special for hubby's tea tonight, especially as he left a mess behind in the kitchen this morning.  Blow it, cheese on toast will have to do..."

"Oh heck...why did I drink all that wine last night?   Nothing to drink tonight now..."

Okay, I'm exaggerating, but you get my drift.  No doubt the Facebook friend's life probably wasn't a lot better than mine.   Maybe the truth of it is our lives fall somewhere in between what I've posted here.  Maybe mine is quite a bit better than I described and hers not quite as perfect as it appears every day.

More and more younger people are now leaving Facebook and using Instagram instead.   I think in all honesty, Facebook has had its day and if I was still there I might post a link to this blog post to see how many people liked it lol.

Deleted Facebook Account

Well I did it.  Last night I actually deleted my Facebook account.  Up until now I'd just disabled it so all the information would still be there when I reactivated my account, should I choose to do so.

I was surprised to find that six people had already dispensed with me as a friend when I returned.  Six out of two hundred and sixteen 'friends'.  One I think has already left prompted by my idea to leave, so let's say five.  Five deleted me as a friend.  Now either they might have left themselves or disabled their accounts or they were glad to see the back of me maybe lol?  What if I'd only disabled it for a break?  Did they think so little of me to get rid so quickly?  I've deleted people with disabled accounts myself but only if they kept disabling them or were M.I.A for months.

I actually thought to look to see who the friends were who got rid.   Who were these people who were so quick to delete me from their friend list?  But then I thought no, if I do that, it might upset me.  I'm far too sensitive to that sort of thing.

So in the end, I just deleted all my photo albums [just in case] and contacted one friend who I didn't want to lose touch with and we spoke in real time to exchange contact details.  Others I know I can contact by different means or via friends.

But it makes you think that out of the two hundred and sixteen friends I had when I disabled my account just under three weeks ago, who were my real friends there?

One is in touch with me every day and I know we'll meet up again in the future.  So she's a real friend.   Another wrote me a letter saying he'd like to meet up again with his wife in the future.  I met him on a pen pal site a year ago and he's proved to be a great friend who really cheers me up and if gets to read this, he'll know who he is when I mention a certain hotel that had sticky taped its skirting board when he came to stay in my home town.  No, there was nothing going on with me and him, he and his wife stayed there a year ago and I went to meet them for a drink.  He also travelled for a few hours to come to a meeting from York.  This was at a social group gathering I used to run on Facebook.  I thought the world of that he would travel so far for a meet up.

Other friends have emailed me and I met up with another for lunch a couple of weeks back since disabling my account.

I would estimate out of all my Facebook friends perhaps around ten were friends.  That was less than a twentieth of my friend list.

Often people you don't know will add you as a friend and they might even be from your hometown.  But the thing is you rarely get to know these people even if you add them as friends.  Sometimes you don't even write on one another's walls.  So what's the point in being a friend? 

So last night I logged back into Facebook for the last time, deleted my photo albums, messaged a friend I wanted to keep in contact with, quickly scanned the newsfeed which was full of the same old same old and deleted my account.   I do have the option to log back in within a fortnight and reactivate my account before it goes, wherever it goes to...maybe it's shot to smithereens and floats around in minute pieces around the universe.   A testament to the life of Lynette Rees, who once baked a clown cake for her grand daughter's first birthday.  The same Lynette Rees who spent far too much time on Facebook when she should have been writing instead.

The good news is I've now completed a first draft of my new novel.  You can bet if I hadn't disabled my account three weeks ago, I wouldn't have made so much progress.

So 'Hello, real life! I'm back and I'm looking forward to getting acquainted with you again!'

If you want to keep your job or avoid suspension you might be better staying off Facebook!

I've said this before and I'll say it again...people need to take care what they post on social media networks.   I've seen professional people posting inflammatory things such as racist/sexist posts.  I've seen them get involved in long threads of arguments, practically to the point of bullying.

I've also seen people tagged in disgraceful photographs making themselves look like idiots.

They seem to forget that anyone these days can access these things.  Employers often check out potential employees network pages before holding interviews.  One teacher was called into question for showing her underwear on a boozy night out as she gyrated ungraciously around a pole in night club!   Not the kind of thing her pupils or the parents of her pupils would wish to see.

And here's a link to an article in today's local newspaper with the title:  'Racist, threatening, embarrassing and compromising: The jaw-dropping Facebook and Twitter posts… by police officers':

http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/racist-threatening-embarrassing-compromising-jaw-dropping-7632241

Why do people feel they can act as they like on Facebook and other social media?  It's crazy.  Some have even been imprisoned over their Tweets if the issue is highly contentious and personal.  

It's my third week off Facebook and I'm still not missing it.  I've finished the first draft of my new novel and loving being away from mind numbing wall posts and threads of people arguing with one another.

It's fast losing its popularity with its privacy issues.   Youngsters are changing to Instragram.  Others are giving it up as they feel like I do, it wastes too much time and more often than not, achieves very little.

Life Without Facebook

I've been away from Facebook now since last Thursday evening.  That's almost 5 full days...

So what have the negatives and positives been thus far?

Well it's definitely been a very positive experience for me.   I've been writing up a storm.   I wrote 4000 words of my novel in progress on Sunday alone.  I doubt if I'd have done that if I'd been tempted to log into Facebook on the weekend.  I estimate since deactivating my account, I've clocked up around 10,000 words.  That's around a 1/6th of the first draft of most of my novels.  Imagine how quickly I could write if I carry on like this?  My productivity could soar through to the heavens!

I've also been reading a lot more too and have read one complete novel and I am in the midst of reading another.

I've also been enjoying reading and contributing more at romance writers' forums and reading articles about writing romance, online, etc.  Better than watching arguments arise on people's walls and in groups on Facebook!

My only vice is still logging into the Interpals website occasionally to speak to the quirky characters there, but I might even abandon that soon.

I'm not constantly leaving what I was doing to check in at The Book any more.

Am I feeling happier?  Yes, I think I am.

I think too if you leave a social media website that has been a big part of your life, then when you leave it even for a short while [as I did a couple of years ago] you rapidly discover who your real friends are.  Those who have other ways to contact you, will!  They'll email, phone or text you, or even as in one case, write you a letter!

All the others who don't seek you out are mere acquaintances.   If you don't have their contact details, you've chosen not to ask.  Others who do want to keep in touch but don't have contact details for you, will ask those that do.

They will CHOOSE to seek you out.

After all, for someone like me whose name is plastered all over the Internet....[my articles and stories have been published online since 1999 so I'm a bit of an Internet Whore] I'm not too difficult to find.  My email address will be there somewhere in amongst my articles on various websites or on my personal blogs/websites.

A Google search for my name throws up around 254,000 results.  Most of the 'Lynette Rees's' are me.  There's a Lynette Rees in Australia who's a successful photographer and there's one who is some sort of quilter, one is a poet, another some sort of researcher on TV, another a lawyer.  There was even one who was a belly dancer back in the old days when I first got online!  But the majority of the hits are for 'Lynette Rees the girl from Merthyr who happens to be a writer'.

Sometimes I wonder if the photographer from Australia minds we have the same name as it must be annoying for her to see the writer from Wales taking over most of the pages at Google.  But I had an online presence way back when....so I got there first I suppose.

So what have the negatives been being away from Facebook?  None really.  The only thing I miss is posting songs from You Tube and discussing them like some Hippy Internet DJ!  I do miss some of the people though, but like I said, I'm easy to contact and I have told two friends to pass on my email address should anyone want it as we share lots of mutual friends on Facebook.

I wonder if I'll be speaking this way next week and still think it's better to be away from it all?  Will I be straining at the leash to get back to Facebook or will I not give a jot?

Watch this space...

Talking to the Wall: Why I decided to deactivate my Facebook account

I've been away from Facebook now a full forty hours.  Yes, I can be that precise.

For time being I've just deactivated my account to see if I feel any better.  And guess what...I do.

You see I'm not one of those people who only log in now and again.  I am a full blown Facebook addict who can't resist compulsively checking her inbox, newsfeed and groups.

Some of the time I've spent there has been useful.  I made some nice new friends who I've met in real life and kept in touch with.  I set up a writing group that inspired and motivated me to write new novels and complete unfinished ones.

The trouble for me was, I was wasting far too much time there.  I'd sometimes ask myself where the time had gone to.  Another day without writing a chapter of my latest work in progress.

And OMG please don't talk to me about the drama on Facebook!!  LOL

I was being a bit sarky there.  So many people seem to look for arguments and quarrel over the pettiest of things.  They also say things they wouldn't dream of saying to your face in real life.  They hide behind their computers and class themselves as 'keyboard warriors'.  Keyboard worriers more like as most of them couldn't punch their way out of a wet Echo and have so little going on in their lives that they want to cause mayhem and mischief on Facebook.

Let's be honest if they had more going on they'd pay scant attention to little things.

And of course, are these people real friends anyhow?  Some of them will friend you on Facebook but walk past you in the street.  Others will friend you in real life and ignore you on Facebook.  What's that all about?

I have made some nice friends on Facebook, I've also lost real life friends over it too.  Which is a shame but I think what happened was they showed their true colours online.  Things I hadn't noticed about them before became magnified on the Book.

And the other thing of course, is Tagging.  I don't appreciate being tagged in photographs showing up on my page before I've seen them, for the world and his wife to see.  Of course there is an option to stop that now and I did that. 

For me Facebook has so many privacy issues.  Have you noticed if you inbox someone, key words are chosen from your messaging and appear as sponsored ads in your newsfeed?  I remember one day a male Facebook friend messaging me, asking me a question about the book,  'Fifty Shades of Grey'.  I thought, what's he asking me that for?  Then he told me he'd seen one of my posts from that group appearing in his news feed even though he wasn't a member. 

Facebook encourages stalking.  I've had people follow me onto other people's pages and make comments, even though those people were not their friends.

And when you think of it, does anyone really care about the mundane things people post on their statuses?   The things we don't need to know about, like how they got drunk last night and woke up with a hang over this morning.  Or what a great time they had at a concert last night.  No, not really.   Quite frankly, I'd rather watch paint dry.  Yet people seem to post these things as if to prove they had a great time. But can they really be having a wonderful time if they're not in the moment and constantly posting updates about the concert?  Surely if they were enjoying it that much, Facebook would be the last thing on their minds?

So then, are people using social media to make it sound as if their lives are better than they really are?  I think so in a lot of cases.  I felt far more popular on Facebook than in real life sometimes. 

This will be an interesting experiment to see how long I can resist.  I might even be back there Monday posting, "I've just put out three lines of washing and baked a cake..." on the other hand I might just get on with my real life instead.

Going ‘Cold Turkey’ from Facebook

I’ve been on Facebook for about the last five years or so.  And over those years my usage of the social networking media has increased.  I decided yesterday to close down my account.

Why?  You might ask. 

Because my name’s Lynette and I’m a Facebook Addict...

It all started innocently enough.  I can remember a time when university students used it a lot, actually it was intended for those people.  My daughter had a boyfriend at the time and he’d say, “I’m popping on Facebook...” and I’d wonder what on earth it was.

Later I found out but never really thought that much about it.  As a writer, I noticed that several writer friends had started social networking accounts to increase their online profiles.  I tried Bebo for a while but never really took to it.  I think I only ever once updated my status there.  

Eventually, I closed that account down and started a Facebook one which I never really used and also a Myspace account where my only friend was some person called, ‘Tom’.  Tom seemed to be everyone’s friend!

Anyhow I had this Facebook account where I hadn’t even uploaded a photograph and some strange man, who I didn’t recognise and wasn’t ‘Tom’, had added me as a friend.  I thought no more of it.  A few months later, a writer friend of mine added me as a friend on Facebook, I don’t know how she even knew it was me for sure, but after that I got lots of friend requests from other writers and people living in my home town and I ended up with around 350 friends.

Soon I became very active on Facebook.  I enjoyed all the banter and networking with other writers and old friends.  I even set up a couple of Facebook groups.  One, was a local group which became so popular it ended up with around 1,500 members.  We met once a month at a local pub.

That group is still going but I no longer run it.  It was very successful but I put my heart and soul into it.  A few people tried to cause trouble for me and we ended up falling out, something I think which might not have happened had it not been for Facebook.

People will say things to you, they haven’t got the guts to do in real life, but it’s a fast track way to find out who your real friends are.  The trouble makers were never my real friends to begin with. 

So, as a result of Facebook I’ve lost four ‘friends’ who showed their true colours.  One kept inboxing me abusive emails and finally said, ‘I’m blocking you because you haven’t replied’.  The reason I hadn’t replied was that I was in work while she was spending her day on Facebook!

I used to post a lot of music from You Tube on my Facebook wall and had a little bit of a following, almost as a Facebook DJ.  I found this quite amusing.  Especially when people would put in requests for songs.

'Can’t they go to You Tube and post their own songs?'  My son would ask, highly amused that I had all these followers like a flock of sheep.

The truth was I enjoyed it, we’d entered discussions about songs which brought back some great memories for me.   Sometimes I’d discover new songs that I’d buried away in the darkest recesses of my mind.

The problem was Facebook is counterproductive for me as hours can be spent doing mind numbing things.  

I ran a writing group there, which I enjoyed and got good feedback from, but it became more of a reading group rather than a writing group in the end as only two of us were regularly posting.

The truth was...dare I say it...I became bored by Facebook.

Bored with some of the inane comments and people liking this that and the other.  Really?  You like the fact that something awful happened to me today?  People seem to like just about everything from  something really nice to going to a pop concert to someone really awful such as someone ending up in hospital with their arm hanging off!  Okay, that's an exaggeration, but you know what I mean!

Well, I’ve been away from Facebook for about 14 hours and 46 minutes and still counting...

Hoping I can go cold turkey and get back in the real world, doing all the things I used to love doing before Facebook.  Like writing in this blog, reading other blogs, tracing my family tree and writing way more of my new novel!

I shall keep you posted how I get on...

Magic Love Solutions

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For two days only ...we will answer psychological questions relating to relationships and offer a free relationship ebook on one of the following topics:

"Why Do I Always Meet Bast***s?"

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"How to Make the Person I Want, Fall in Love with Me...

Visit and please like and share our page here:

http://www.facebook.com/MagicLoveSolutions

What Did We Do Before Facebook?

I was trying to think the other day what life was like before Facebook?

I signed up for it in 2007.  Before that I had My Space and Bebo accounts that I rarely used but because I’m an author, I thought it might be useful to get on a social networking site to promote myself and my books.

Initially, I didn’t use my Facebook account at all.  I hadn’t bothered uploading a photograph so, I was still a silhouette, a bit like Peter Pan and his shadow!  Then one day, an author friend added me.  How she knew I was Lynette Rees the author, I haven’t a clue, as there are several Lynette Rees’s on Facebook.  But that prompted me to add a photograph.  Then other people added me and before long I had hundreds of Facebook friends.

I’ve used Facebook for all kinds of things, from promoting my books to joining and/or running groups to catching up with old school chums and reuniting with them in real life.

But what about before Facebook?  What did I do then?

I first bought a second hand computer, supposedly to help the kids with their homework, back in 1999.  Back then, the Internet was quite new to me.  I hardly knew of anyone in my hometown who was online, apart from the man I purchased the computer from.  My only experience of the Internet was a couple of  computers set up to log on the Net at my local college that only select students were allowed to use.   Back then it was the old dial up system too that took ages to launch you into cyberspace!

So, I was surprised when the man who sold me the computer told me it was ‘Internet Ready’.  I thought the Internet wouldn’t be for me.  But before long I had joined genealogy groups and websites which really helped me to trace my family tree and even put me in touch with living relatives.  I joined an online Yahoo group of over 1000 women writers who inspired me.  So much so that I started writing articles and got published on websites and in magazines.  In the group not only were there writers but editors and publishers too.  One man [okay it was mainly women but there were some men too!] was the former comedy editor of Playboy Magazine!  He was also the co-writer of the movie, Blue Streak!

I saw several writers achieve great success at that group, some even made the best seller list!  And for every achievement, no matter how great or small, we cheered one another on.

I even ran my own online e-zine with the help of other writers who wrote for me.  They lived all over the world.  It was called Positively Woman and it was a wonderful, positive experience.  My local newspaper, The Merthyr Express, printed an article about me and the e-zine and as a result, I met someone from California when she visited Merthyr.  She was an ex pat who visited her family every year and wanted to meet me.

I also got into blogging before I got on Facebook and began this blog in 2005!  So when people ask me what did I do before Facebook, I tell them plenty!!  I achieved a lot.  Facebook though is the thief of time if you let it be.  You have to use it wisely.

That’s why I am getting back into blogging to go back to the things I used to enjoy so much!